Stephen Colbert is Back!

As I have already discussed I was going through Colbert withdrawals — getting the shakes in everything — luckily he has come back to save me from yet another humorless night. To celebrate I humbly offer up this blog post.

Note: A post on the Newsroom season 2, episode 1 is coming soon and I may write on the Daily Show/Aaron Sorkin’s appearance on it later — we will see.

“Welcome to the Report, thanks for joining us … good to have you with us … and folks good to have me with us because for the last two weeks I have was on vacation as you might have guessed from this savage tan. I’m so dark that when I take my shirt off you can barely see my veins and organs … it leaves a little more to the imagination”

I don’t need more imagination! I need more real Colbert, not just trying to think what he would say

“People are obsessed with the Zimmerman trial. People are tracking it like a black teenager in a gated community.”

Starting off with an easy, obvious joke but Colbert is just getting warmed up.

“This is a victory for the rule of law, in that Florida no longer has rules or laws.”

Again, not that original but so many people have made jokes about the Zimmerman trial that it would be hard to come up with something original.

“Inventor of the lip hoodie Geraldo Rivera”

I strongly co-sign the idea of a mustache being called a lip hoodie. Colbert you got the right idea.

“The accused shall be tried by a jury of people who’d have done the murder faster
U.S. Constitution Amendment VI”

A reminder that this isn’t the actual sixth amendment (you would be surprised how many idiots that are gullible enough to believe this)… it’s impartial. It’s also worth noting that I doubt our favorite lip hoodie connoisseur probably didn’t mean it that way, but the joke lands!

COLBERT TYPING! That is exactly the way I type everything on this blog

I hate this scoreboard thing… but it illustrates how ridiculous scoreboards are in this case. So Colbert is doing everything he always does.

“White people stop being so scared of Black people. And Black people stop being so scary … take some personal responsibility for how white people feel around you”

Hidden is this message is a point that many people are trying to make: “You are responsible for how you are perceived” — this is true but is very unfortunate, we shouldn’t judge someone as a threat because of race, or size or how they walk… but it happens. It’s something everyone has to be aware of (as the perceived and the perceiver).

“If this trial has proven anything and I’m not sure it has. Cus the prosecution definitely didn’t”

Worth noting (while the joke is great): the prosecution had a really tough case, I’ve seen people suggest that the prosecution threw the case — that seems very absurd.

“Those who break our federal laws go to jail. Those who break our moral laws go into New York City politics.”

HEY! They also beat your sister for a Congressional seat in South Carolina (Too Soon?)

“Creamy Charles Manson sauce.”

Ugh, I don’t even know what to say to that.

The chello was silly, but it’s got Colbert and made me giggle so I’m OK with it — but really don’t want to talk about it on this blog

Really surprised that Colbert is talking about the Asiana Airlines thing… but glad he did, especially with his history

“That was a major Fuk up”

True, I never found the situation on it’s own very funny — people are going to lose their jobs and some of them are going to be punished when they didn’t do anything (obviously, some people deserve to lose their jobs over this).

“Damnit! Timmy had two jobs, get coffee and confirm the names of pilots in airline disasters”

When newsrooms cut back the positions they cut back aren’t the ones you see (on-air people), they are fact-checkers, copy-editors and people like that. Was anybody shocked that the anchor said these things on the air? I wasn’t, a large percentage of on-air talent are idiots and would read anything of the teleprompter. This intern will likely not be given another chance (even though the anchors will)… just disappointing.

“Wi Tu Lo? Bang Din Ow? This is Korean airline, those are Chineese names! That’s racist… If you are going to do a racist joke at least get the ethnicity right, like Captain Park Ma Plen Tu-Su or Ha Yu Lan Dis Tang.”

Colbert at his best… taking the joke beyond the possible to the possimble.

“Asiana airlines sterling reputation as world leader in almost landing planes.”

I think we could have a whole Colbert spin-off on really stupid lawsuits — it could be an hour each day and be called “Really?”

“I’ll tell you who I blame KTVU’s “news director,” ‘Munchma Quchi'”

I can’t say or type this name without laughing… bravo.

Jeremy Scahill on the Report

“Guess I support more of the troops than the troops do”

If anyone can do that, it’s Stephen Colbert.

Great first show back… very happy it’s back and really happy that it took me less than an hour to watch this and write this blog post.

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~ by realfactsandbeer on July 16, 2013.

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