Colbert Report is back!

The Colbert Report is back! I thought I would celebrate with an episode blog… I might do these more often but I have a few things brewing.

“It’s 2013: Suck it Mayans”

We survived it! Hell yeah. No balloons though (very disappointing)

“Nation, I’m back. I haven’t sat at this desk for 24 days, that’s 576 hours or two viewings of Les Miserables. For the record, I think Javert is getting a raw deal here”

In those 24 days I almost had to use actual late night talk shows as methadone (thankfully it didn’t come to that).

Also it is absolutely predictable (and wonderful) that Colbert is on Javert’s side (I think it has something to do with the silent t).

“I am not rusty! Am I rusty?”

“Do Not Google Rusty Colbert”
I’m betting the LinkedIn profile for this guy just went through the roof. Also they already made a twitter profile: this is one of the many things I love about the Colbert Report: the character exists outside the show.

“I get super angry over gay penguins or super gay over angry penguins, I don’t know. We’ll see how the year shapes up”

Fiscal Cliff
These definitions of rich and super-rich are really confusing

“How can us Makers keep making … if the Taker’s make off with the Maker’s Take”
I couldn’t have said it more convoluted and humorous myself. I also had to listen to that three times and then just started googling it. Note: Do not google what the fuck did Stephen Colbert just say.

“I am proud to introduce Captain Colbert’s Pond Rum”

I would absolutely buy this and have it on my desk and take a swig every few hours. Also: when did he get a new tittle?

Colbert’s explanation of the debt ceiling is awesome, why can’t he have been my econ teacher!

“We should have known that a coin was Obama’s solution. It was right there is his slogan: Change”

Here is an example of a completely obvious joke that is still really funny. Colbert sold the joke with his facial expression and got a loud laugh from me (and the crowd).

“It is legal, in that it is not technically illegal”

This describes most legal things.

What should be on this coin?

I agree with the bald eagle breathing fire while making love to the American flag but it should be breathing fire on the rest of the world.

The heads should not be the Bears.

“When you pull something like this out of your ass you are going to need something soft”

So where do these bears fall into Stephen’s legendary fear of bears? Are they immune? Is he over the fear?

“We can’t make a 16 trillion dollar coin, that’s just silly”

This is the equivalent to a kicker on a news story and it is absolutely incredible… I am so happy he is back.

Commercial Break

“Thanks to you Wikipedia’s Elephant page has more protection than Elephants”

That’s the power of Colbert … he is all-powerful, don’t try to stop him. I pity the fool who would run against the man (unless it is Mr. T because I really have no pity left for that fool).

“Competitive couples massage partner”

I hope this is real. If it is please let me know.

Blood in the Water

This is one of the things Colbert can do that almost nobody can deal with it.

“It’s not racism if it’s a compliment”

“I should not racially generalize and I assume he’s right because Jews make the best lawyers”

“Evidentially, my racial comments were also insensitive and obviously as a women she is much more attuned to”

This is a great example of why the Colbert report is unique and awesome: What other show could do something like this? Take an actual issue make a bunch of good points and make it really funny.

Guest segment
“The neutrality of this interview will be disputed”

This is really clever and true.

“Do you guys not wear ties in the Internet world”

No we don’t. It’s awesome.

“So you have no business model … this is an intervention”

Where is the intervention banner? I also want Colbert at all my interventions.

This is a great infomercial for Wikipedia… what is Wikipedia going to do with the Colbert Report?

“I do the same thing, I call it guest research”

Sadly, I think people really think using Wikipedia is a real research… I won’t go on a rant but please don’t use Wikipedia for real research (just general knowledge is a great idea) it makes Pandas cry.


~ by realfactsandbeer on January 8, 2013.

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